by Mike Brock
There have been 55 Mother’s Days since the Leafs last won the Stanley Cup.
For 55 years, men and their children have been sneaking out on the morning of the second Sunday in May to buy flowers at the last minute without the comfort and warmth of a parade to look back upon. That doesn’t seem right. Men and their children should be able to sneak out on the morning of the second Sunday in May to buy flowers at the last minute, comfortable in the knowledge that their team has won a Stanley Cup at least once in the last six decades.
Yes, there is a generation of mothers, and even a generation of grandmothers, that have never seen the Leafs win a Stanley Cup. That is not fair to anyone, because Moms are the best, and the Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought is the worst.
Moms give you life, and hope, and an unwavering faith! The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought gives you reason to believe in voodoo.
Moms teach you right from wrong. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought has only taught me sorrow.
Moms give you shelter, and lemon meringue pie. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought leaves you all alone in the middle of a cold field, alone with your thoughts. Year after year. In the dark. And, you have to walk home.
With no pie.
Moms pick you up from swim practice. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought drowns you with despair.
Moms show you how to golf. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought lets everyone play a lot more golf.
Actually, there have been 220 possible series in the last 55 years for the Leafs. The Leafs have played in 51 playoff series, so that means that they missed 169 potential rounds. Each series averages approximately 10 days. So, 169 NHL playoff rounds, at an average of 10 days. Generally, hockey players love golf—and have the means to enjoy the game—so they play often. Let’s say they play every other day. That means 1,690 days, divided by two. An opportunity for 845 more golf days because they have not even been to the Stanley Cup final. There is an average of 25 players per team.
Because of the Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought, 21,125 more rounds of golf have been played.
Moms make your lunches. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought makes you want to put a lunch bag over your head.
Moms are good for a warm blanket on a cool night. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought produces cold sweats on hot nights.
Moms will loan you 20 bucks for a movie once in a while. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought costs you 20 bucks every spring, when you yell “THIS IS THEIR YEAR!!” at the end of Easter Dinner.
Moms play board games, like Scrabble, with you. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought means that 21,125 extra games of golf have been played. (Trust me, I recently did the math.)
Moms make you get a haircut. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought makes you want to pull your hair out.
Moms are a great reminder that your Dad’s laissez-faire attitude towards safety, in general, isn’t always appropriate. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought isn’t laissez-fair, but it certainly isn’t fair, either.
Moms want the best for you, even when they think you probably don’t deserve it. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought couldn’t care less about you.
Moms embarrass you without fail. The Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought…
It’s not that the Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought has been all bad. The Blue and White have come close. In the late ‘70s they had some great runs, with Darryl and Borje. Dougie, Felix and Wendel got past everyone except for Kerry Fraser in 1993 and 1994. Captain Mats and Pat Quinn led the Muskoka Crew to a few conference finals around the turn of the century. Sure, the Toronto Maple Leafs have not won an NHL playoff round since 2004, but this year feels a little different. For the first time in decades, Leafs’ fans have a decent argument that they watch the best player in the game every night. Auston Matthews and his almost peerless peer, Mitch Marner, are magical. The team won more games this year (54) than they ever have before. Jack Campbell is playing like a number one goalie. John Tavares, Mark Giordano and Jason Spezza are good guys and hometown boys who have all paid their dues and might be due. Morgan Rielly is a national treasure. It’s been 55 years, and a whole lot of extra golf.
In terms of Mother’s Day, well, this year the Leafs are actually playing on Mother’s Day. Game 4 against the Tampa Bay Lightning will take place next Sunday at 7 pm. A lot can happen before then, but for now, let’s remember that Moms are the best and the Leafs’ Stanley Cup drought is the worst.
Some spring traditions are immovable, solid touchstones of the most hopeful time of year. No one deserves a day more than our Moms. Mother’s Day has to be highlighted, and celebrated—but the Leafs Stanley Cup Drought doesn’t have to be. One of these second Sundays in May, we’ll be sneaking out buying flowers as reigning champions. And, if MY mom has anything to say about it, that day “Maybe?!?” May 14, 2023.