SUDBURY—Eddy Howard used to come home to Manitoulin every year for Christmas while his mom was alive, these days he comes every fall before the weather turns bad to visit her gravesite. Family is very important to Mr. Howard, and he still very much looks forward to the time he gets to spend with his brothers and visiting Manitoulin, but he has also grown into a new family, his flatmates and workers at L’Arche Sudbury’s Bethany House.
L’Arche is an international organization spanning 37 countries whose mission, according to their website, is: “to make known the gifts of people with intellectual disabilities, working together toward a more human society.” It is more than just sentiment that lies behind these words, however, as the L’Arche community really comes together as a loving and caring family all year long.
Mr. Howard came to L’Arche after some time on his own. “He had his own independent living apartment before he got sick,” said Jennifer McCauley, community leader at L’Arche Sudbury Inc., “he had to go into the hospital.” Due to his special living needs, Mr. Howard was destined to stay in the hospital for a very long time—most of it waiting for a spot to become available.
Mr. Howard applied for an assisted living space at one of the L’Arche homes and when it became available, he jumped at the opportunity.
“I like it here,” said Mr. Howard, when asked how he found the facility once he had settled in. Asked what he liked the most about Bethany House, he didn’t hesitate. “Friends,” he said. The secret to L’Arche’s success is deceptively simple, but speaks volumes of the people who live and work there.
“This isn’t your typical group home,” said Ms. McCauley. “It really is a place to belong.”
At L’Arche’s Bethany House, Mr. Howard has his own bedroom as his personal space and the group shares common areas. But there are no televisions in the bedrooms as the residents are encouraged to interact and mingle, building strong relationships that are more like family than simply housemates. “We all live in the home,” said Ms. McCauley. “Each person has their own bedroom and we live together like a family.”
Mr. Howard’s passions tend to revolve around sports. “He loves baseball,” notes Ms. McCauley. When Ms. McCauley suggests he likes the Red Sox, Mr. Howard responds emphatically “Cleveland!”
“Eddy likes to support the other team that people are cheering for,” laughs Ms. McCauley. “He likes to get people going.”
One of Mr. Howard’s favourite tactics when viewing sports is to hand the other team’s supporters a Kleenex box and say “here’s your crying towel.”
But with a communal television set, there are sometimes negotiations over what will be watched that night. “Not everybody is into the same thing,” admits Ms. McCauley.
Meal times are a very important time at Bethany House. “We always eat supper together,” explained Ms. McCauley. “It is a very significant time in the house.”
As part of the dinnertime ritual, the Bethany House family each take turns to pray for something. A candle is passed from hand to hand at the table and each resident and worker says something they are grateful for or what they want to pray for.
Although L’Arche is faith-based, they are also non-denominational. “We are open to all forms of spirituality,” said Ms. McCauley.
Before his mother died, Mr. Howard would come to the Island regularly to spend one or two nights with her at her apartment. But a time came when he was no longer able to stay overnight.
“He still makes the effort to go home at least two or three times a year,” said Ms. McCauley. “He has a brother who lives in Gore Bay and another who lives in Mindemoya.”
Earlier in the fall, before the weather turns too bad, Mr. Howard makes a pilgrimage to his mother’s graveside. In the days just before Christmas he comes to the Island to spend time with his family.
“Family is very important to Eddy,” said Ms. McCauley.
A lot of the Bethany House “family” spend Christmas with relatives, some even travelling by air to distant cities, so the L’Arche homes gather centrally to celebrate Christmas. “We close one house and all move into the other,” she explains. Christmas Eve is spent attending mass at a local church.
Some of the residents, like Mr. Howard’s friend Richard, spend Christmas with friends in the community. “There are special friendships that form with different parts of the community,” said Ms. McCauley. “Richard goes to spend Christmas with his friend Cathy.”
Last year, Mr. Howard got to fulfill one of the items on his bucket list, with a trip to Calgary.
“He had identified the Calgary Stampede as one of the items on his life plan,” said Ms. McCauley. “So a group got together and took a road trip.”
The L’Arche crew put together their own Christmas pageant, which they then perform for two of the churches in Sudbury. The residents also make a donation to local charities, instead of exchanging gifts. This year the group sent art supplies to NeoKids and the Elizabeth Fry Society.
“People do get gifts,” Ms. McCauley clarified, noting that the residents all receive gifts at Christmas time.
L’Arche is the complete antipathy of the institutional home, with a determined focus on creating a complete family atmosphere.
Mr. Howard, Eddy, has a special message to all of his Island friends this season. “Merry Christmas.”
